I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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