Someone shit on the floor
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
