So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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