Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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