Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
