Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
