you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
