I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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