I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
