Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
