think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
