i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
