so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
