Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
