Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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