Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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