how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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