now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
