Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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(217): View more from Illinois

i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker

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(217): View more from Illinois

Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.

(309): View more from Illinois

Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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(305): View more from Florida

Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good

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(951): View more from California

I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?

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