and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
