so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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