these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
