I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
