Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
