He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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