I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Boobs are out for the taking
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
