i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
