At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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