good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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