Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
