I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
