it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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