does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
