Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
