I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
