That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
