Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
