Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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