yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
