I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize