roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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