Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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