He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
