Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
