mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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