Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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