Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
