Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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