Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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