4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
