I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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