hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
