He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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