All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
