The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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