I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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