don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
