Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
