no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
