I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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