i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
