I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
