to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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