speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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