Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize