Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
