Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
