My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
