Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
